Conscious Parenting: My Adoption Journey
A poem for my baby-girl and my baby-boy alone in the wild wide world waiting for the cradle to rock. Within me there was a deep sense of separation from my loved ones.
I will walk through the mountain to meet you
I will step in to the darkest cave to find you
I will re-discover dreams just to stay in touch with you
Entering the summer thoughts through the snow - I will get to you
Adoption as a Divine Inspiration
A thought to adopt came to me as Divine Inspiration during a spiritual concert. In the midst of my meditation while contemplating celestial sounds (floating in between the 6th and 7th chakra ;) ) vibrating no thoughts; a clear, undisturbed Knowledge, an instruction rather than a message whispered in my Soul's ear that Now IS the time to Adopt.
Wow! What a thought! What a Path! What a Whisper! I will adopt! A child, a baby girl, I thought absorbing the Karmic circumstances that had to materialise with all the Divine Influences, and IT felt quite a bit more complex than the merge of an egg with a spermatozoid.
Adopting as a Single Mum
With 18 years of relationship experience, the circumstances had it, I celebrated my 40th birthday as a single woman. I don't know about you, but my love-life tells me that settling within a new relationship, and building a family might take another 1 or 2 years, so welcoming my 40s I welcomed the Divine Whisper of Adoption's Magical Journey as a potential Single Mum.
I’ve never consciously tried to have children with any of my partners, and had no problems with the fertility anxiety or pregnancy expectations, had never experienced this conscious physical push towards ‘building a family’. No fears nor mis-conceptions of foreign DNAs of my adopted kids’ ancestors ruining my life, nor our racial differences disturbing my future, nor discomfort about my adopted child’s blood surrounded me. I was fully aware that the hard core facts and statistics say that: ‘There are 17,900,000 orphans who have lost both parents and are living in orphanages or on the streets in the world.’ Amongst those 17,900,000 there were my children and I had to find them.
9 Months of Spiritual Pregnancy
Thanks to the Heavenly provision from this moment on, it took me (believe it or not) exactly 9 months of a most amazing spiritual pregnancy-journey to hold my babies in my arms. The 9 months of the expectancy journey was full of emotional and mental upheaval.
Do you remember the famous Wisdom Life Law: When you decide something, God sends some hard obstacles to test the strength of your decision. My Life Wisdom Law has materialised within the thought pattern I hit immediately after I entered the road of asking closest friends and complete strangers for an advice about an adoption.
The thought pattern was a Huge Monster built around all sort of fears and misconceptions: from stories about adopted kids killing their adoptive parents!!!???!!!, running wild and violent and becoming a disgrace for parents, to simple fear that the process is too difficult, too expensive, and too troublesome. The biggest one was: Why would you who is at the peak of her career, happy with her life, home, friends, on a Spiritual Path, experiencing Divine Flow ruin all of this for kids? All the troubles doubled raising kids as a Single MUM! You must be CRAZY!
I've never had worries about growing old on my-own, I loved my Life, my ‘perfect’ illusion bell. It is not my 'loneliness' that shaped my decisions. Perhaps because I had a chance to experience IT all, the great career, amazing travels, most enriching love life, deepest meditations, devoted friends & family, living in different countries, I had such a strong Soul-Urge to experience Motherhood and Mothering as a Spiritual Experience.
No Life Journey is an easy one, no lessons wasted in vain, during my 9 months of preparation or expectation I hit many invented 'No's: 'you are a foreigner in the lands you live in – the procedure must be different', 'you are single – that is legally very different', 'you have no family in the lands you live in' (they knew not of my Universal Spiritual Family that was always with me) so I’ve learned to keep my questions for the informed ones or the ones who have already adopted and the world before my eyes changed into a reasonable procedure that is manageable and doable from all sort of perspectives.
An Orphanage in Ethiopia
Just before the ‘fatal’ Moment of Knowledge that I wish to enter the World of Motherhood adopting my lovely babies as a single mother I was involved in helping Father Georg, an amazing Franciscan Maltese Priest build one of his orphanages in a remote village in the outskirts of Ethiopia. He was the one to lead my re-Search into this most amazing of African countries and into an orphanage led by his dear friend Sister Ludgarda into the heart of Addis. Experiencing this country for the first time I wrote:
I've never seen so much poverty, so much elegance, so much beauty. Such gracious walks, so many warm & responsive eyes. So many blind & deaf, so much dust. So many perfect hair-styles. Such wonderful climate. So little bushes and trees. So many people walking Beside each other Hugging & holding hands. So many people dying of AIDS. So many heads turning towards the church - praying. So many perfectly white shirts. So few old people. So many people with crutches. So many hands greeting each other. Such thin cats and friendly babies. Like in Ethiopia
i went to the cradle of civilisation
to see the root of problems
of human selfishness and un-consciousness
i went to the bottom to understand the peak
facing death, starvation, disease
i was surrounded with kindness, love and peace
Is this the Rule?
Trusting the Efficiency of my Soul's Intent
As it usually is with any Process governed by Law I had to take my Motherhood Urge more seriously than the Power of Obeying the Lines. Trusting the efficiency of my Soul’s intentions I went into Ethiopia twice instead of once to meet my kids before I adopted them even though that was not a part of the procedure.
Visiting the Kinder Mehret for the first time in November 2007 I fell in love with two instead of one child so in February 2008 I returned home with a larger family than initially planned. I went to meet my baby girl and came back with my baby boy and a 3 years old girl.
Million my 5 months baby-boy was born within the orphanage just before I arrived and Sithayu my most wonderful daughter has just stepped in to the orphanage at the exact same time as I have. Meeting her for the first time I wrote:
I stopped to ask you - your name
it wasn't written on your forehead
I stopped to enquire where you came from
even though I saw a tag on your bracelet
saying - Earth's womb
I was intrigued by your voice
and love that was pouring
from your eyes
I knew you - before I met you
we laughed in my dreams
many many years ago
Love is Universal
Visiting Addis for the second time, I wrote:
i asked somebody what to bring to the orphanage in Africa
and the answer was - don't bring presents
you can not buy present for 150 children and
if you bring a present to one, the others will feel left out
so I went out and bought presents for 150 children
if they are not my ticket to heaven one day
they will become exploding drops of happiness
Children now know me by name and they run to greet me - now they feel that they can connect with me even further - I said I am coming back and I kept my word... :) I bought them their first shampoo and gave them their first presents and they know that there is more and they give me that look of 'secret knowing'. I sit amongst them and they change my hair style in 10 minutes, they sit in my lap and play with my scarf, the small ones want to be held. We share secrets - Sisters do not know about them - I buy them lip-gloss that they are not allowed to wear and give them bracelets that they love... The orphanage is full of beautiful stories... Today I also saw their 3 cows and 10 chickens and I spoke to them too :)
Entering the Journey of Motherhood
My diary from our first night together during our family official birth-day on the 8th of February 2008, you will recognise as an experience universally shared within this parenting journey:
‘Since yesterday, I am a mum!!! I had my first nappy change - did it wrong of course :) and my first bottle mixing (what do you put first milk in powder or water!!!???) and my first night without any sleep (and the second one too - so I have decided to take on the Tibetan Buddhist practice of meditation during the night - wakeful sleep :) - Million is helping me with chanting om-mani-padme-hum-aaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaa) and the first bath (Million was crying as though I am going to kill him) and the first breakfast together and the first everything together - and I must tell you - we are a really good team :).’
Alchemy of Love and Motherhood
Interview about Motherhood as a Spiritual Journey
Three days after we entered into our home as a new family we were robbed of all our precious belongings, all technology, all our gold was gone including some of the sentimental items belonging to my father. We were asleep upstairs in the house while the robbery took place in the middle of the night. As soon as we recovered and re-gathered some of the gudgets, the robbers came back to take them all again.
Briefly after the adoption I left my high-executive position and devoted myself fully to Motherhood. My mum got Alzheimer and my sister could not come to help with the kids as originally planned so I stayed alone with them ALL THE TIME. I remember celebrating my first going alone into the bathroom event, some 3 years later!
I no longer meditated for hours during the days and nights cause the home was noisy at all times, I exited my meditation cave and went into the joys and worries of Parenting. I did however guard my sacred meditation space and time moving it into very early morning hours or when putting my babies to sleep. I adopted Simplicity Parenting, holding my babies around me with no 'gadgets' in between us, I trusted their wisdom at all times allowing them to lead my journey. Keeping the basic principle: 'I wish to live love and consciousness within this Parenting Journey' constantly returning to Love and Consciousness each day at the time. Staying attentive to the Whispers of the Soul, respecting Gaia, and the spectrum of emotional and mental states, transforming crude into subtle, giving my thanks to the Alchemy of Soul I allowed this Journey to become the Alchemy of Humanity Journey where every thought matters within the Matrix of Collective Knowledge and every action is done for the Benefit of All.
A prayer I noted in my Soul's Diary just after the adoption:
'Please re-create me again! Let me go behind beyond when my Soul dares to imitate God and breaks the mortal edge of restrictions, boundaries, pre-programmed codes, prejudices and un-written laws. Let me bind my limbs with blind-fold of love, burn disappearing in the light of inspiration, go through walls chanting mantras of compassion, laugh screaming-off the last remains of air, walk surrounded by the shiniest beings ever lived on this plane. Re-create me, I know you can!'