Sex and Long Term Relationships
Why do we stop having sex?
Initially, winning a partner with the most desirable genes was one of the reasons why we went out to seek partner and why we offered sex. The sexual game soon became connected with the excitement, passion, and bliss of ‘falling in love’, entered our fairytales, became part of our conscious and sub-conscious make-up, and waged chemical wars within our brains. So, the question What is Love? became very complex to answer. Today, most people aspire to obtain lifelong love, and most people wish to have a fulfilling long term sexual relationships. So, the statistic of the estimated 20 million married couples in America living in sexless marriages (sex less than ten times a year) comes as quite shocking.
Nikola Tesla, St. Teresa of Avila or Sri Aurobindo would wholeheartedly tell you that they have deliberately avoided sex and relationships to preserve energy and to safeguard it for the fulfilment of their mission – their mental work or their spiritual growth. Most major religions will support this decision because in their viewpoint sexual energy belongs to our animal nature, is used for reproduction, and should be left sleeping within the realms of our sub-conscious.
Taoist and Tantrist tend to differ from this main-stream religious approach to sex.
Sex and Long Term Relationships, Taoists and joining the essence
During the Han Dynasty that ruled from 200BC to 200AC, Taoists were performing sexual intercourse as a spiritual practice. In China, they have developed various sexual practices also known as: ‘joining of the essences’ that lead their practitioners to good health, longevity, and immortality. The essence of their teaching was in the preservation of sperm because they linked the sperm loss to the loss of the vital life force. According to the Taoist, meditation is an important part of the sexual merge, and the lovers intentionally direct the life energy into the brain.
For an expert Taoist view, please have a look at Mantak Chia’s book: ‘Taoist Secrets of Love’.
In an interview with Lama Tantrapa, Lama talks about the sexual energy as the most powerful energy: ‘Jing qi, or sexual energy, is the most powerful energy we have. It is like “baby formula” for the spirit.’ Following his pursuit, he suggests that Taoist students should live a puritan life-style taking care of their life force: ‘Sex, drugs, even coffee…these cause a loss of energy, even though an addict feels listless without them…after experiencing the bliss of practice, these addictions will lose their hold.’
Sex, Spirituality and Long Term Relationships
Tantric Shiva and Sakti Merge
India was the birth-place of the esoteric teaching of Tantra and Tantra was practiced by a small number of Hindus and Buddhists practitionars. A tantric sexual merge maithuna is used by the practitioners to nurture the sexual energy and achieve union with Divine, and it is only one aspect of this elaborate spiritual practice.
Osho Rajneesh, a contemporary tantric master that lived during the last century, says: ‘Unless your sexuality rises and reaches to love it is mundane, it has nothing sacred about it. When your sex becomes love, then it is entering into a totally different dimension — the dimension of the mysterious and the miraculous.’
Both Taoist and Tantrics advocate sexual union that lasts for hours.
Mystical Link Between Sexuality and Love
The sacred texts give us an idea of how we could treat this mystical link between sexuality and love, and between sexuality and spirituality.
The modern psychologists are still struggling to unravel this amazing puzzle of conscious and un-conscious phenomenas living within the twilight zone of sexuality.
Why do we have sex? Or if it is so good, why do we stop having sex? A research done by Meston and Buss involving more than a 1,000 people, gives us some insight into how many people link sex and love. They have interviewed people from all over the world asking them: why do you have sex?
According to the research:
Top 10 reasons women have sex are
- I was attracted to the person
- I wanted to experience physical pleasure
- It feels good
- I wanted to show my affection to the person
- I wanted to express my love for the person
- I was sexually aroused and wanted the release
- I was ‘horny’
- It’s fun
- I realized I was in love
- I was ‘in the heat of the moment’
Top 10 reasons men have sex are
- I was attracted to the person.
- It feels good.
- I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
- It’s fun.
- I wanted to show my affection to the person.
- I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
- I was "horny."
- I wanted to express my love for the person.
- I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
- I wanted to please my partner.
Sex and Long Term Relationships: Breaking Stereotypes
The stereotype ‘women do it for love, and men for joy’ does not quite win the argument. Both men and women seem to seek love and pleasure out of the sexual intercourse. Within the book, you can find some most amusing quotes, such as: ‘Most of the time I just lie there and make lists in my head. I grunt once in a while so he knows I'm awake, and then I tell him how great it was when it's over. We are happily married.’
Within a long-term relationship, as time goes by, one loses the initial spark and desires wane and one stops having as much sex. It could be that the brain gets accustomed to all the inflow of the chemicals or one simply gets bored of the partner, the result is – no sex. Keeping the intimacy and attraction between partners becomes ‘work’ or as Taoists and Tantrists call it - a ‘spiritual practice’. We suggest to all that might have this problem, to start their ‘work’ or ‘spiritual practice’, immediately, further exploring the ancient tools and techniques, because the deepest and the most fulfilling closeness between partners comes from the intimacy of this long-term effort of understanding sexuality and transforming an unconscious sexual intercourse into maithuna.
Artof4Elements Relationship Article by Nuit.
Love with its sexual, spiritual energy is an amazingly precious energy and with its proper use we can enter the space of inner peace, passionate creativity, sparkling health, and life balance. Love is nature's most precious drug that actually shapes how we view the world.
You can start your journey with us simply downloading the above course materials and working with spiritual exercises that we have created for you.